How to make your dates a bit more delicious | Ep 71
The Date Rewind
Hi! I’m Joyce Zhang, Dating Coach for High Performers. I’ve been sharing weekly dating guides every Thursday since 2024. Some of my 2,000+ readers have credited it with helping them find love. Subscribe to get the next one.
At my NYC event on Saturday, I broke down the 5 Levels of Communication and why many dates stay stuck at trading facts (level 3) rather than sharing how you feel about each other (level 5).
Here’s one of my favorite ways to practice level 5 without going straight into “what are we?” or “do you like me?”
What makes relationships delicious
Some of the most delicious parts of my early relationships happened right after we committed. We went back and unpacked everything: “Oh, that’s what you meant by that text.” “That’s what you were thinking after the first date!”
It’s like how debriefing a party with a friend is sometimes more fun than the party itself. Dissecting a shared experience that only we had is almost like gossiping about ourselves.
Given that dating is a simulation for a relationship, I started doing this earlier in the process.
The Date Rewind
For an upcoming date, pick a moment from the last date you’re curious about. This is low-stakes surface area to talk about how you actually feel about each other.
Ask with playfulness and genuine curiosity about their inner world:
“I keep thinking about when we were at that park and I said [X]. What was going on in your head?”
“When you texted me [X], I was so curious what was happening for you there.”
If you’re feeling bold: “I’m actually so curious what you thought when you first saw my profile. Are you down to debrief it together?” You can even pull out your phone and scroll through your profile together. Now you’re leaning over the same screen, having a shared experience.
(If this sounds scary, ask yourself why. Do you feel uncomfortable with this specific person? Are you afraid of being judged?)
Have you ever debriefed a past date directly with your date? I read every reply.
What should I break down next?
How to bring up something that bothered you on a previous date
How to get honest feedback on your Hinge profile
Love,
Joyce ❤️🔥
P.S. I’ve hosted 9 dating events for 250+ people since 2024. One couple from the first event is still together. My next event is in SF on June 10. Apply or recommend a friend.
P.P.S. Clients call my “practical, systematic approach that takes the guesswork out of dating…the best investment you can make in yourself.” Learn about 1:1 coaching.
Related posts:
Why your date said they didn’t feel a romantic connection: Are you using all 5 Levels of Communication?
The FIQ sequence: The smoothest way to ask your date a personal question
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