The Face Test: a simple test when physical attraction is unclear
How I help my clients figure out if it's worth another date
“They could be cute, but I’m not sure. They seem like a great person though. Should I go on another date?”
I hear this often from clients.
Many of them, before working with me, spent years dating people who were “good on paper” (stellar resume, generally nice), but there was one key piece missing: physical attraction.
They ignored their intuition and continued dating. Instead of tuning into their bodies, they let logic dictate who they “should” date.
For analytical daters, it’s often easier to assess objective criteria like life goals or intellect (2 of the 4 pillars of compatibility). Physical attraction can be harder to gauge because it requires you to attune to your body rather than your brain.
Assess yourself
Before trying the Face Test, clarify how you experience attraction.
How do you know when you’re physically attracted to someone?
Do you feel it right away? Have you ever talked yourself into it?
Has attraction ever grown over time in past relationships?
Or were you typically drawn to your long-term partners from the beginning?Have you continued dating people you weren’t sure you were into physically?
What made you stay? Were you ignoring your intuition?
Try the Face Test
To get better signal on physical attraction, use the Face Test on your next date.
When you’re looking at your date’s face, ask yourself:
“Do I want to get closer or further away from their face?”
Notice your immediate reaction. Observe your body rather than using your brain.
If your body leans forward or you smile, you may feel naturally drawn to them but may not know it yet intellectually. Try another date that encourages more physical contact (like cooking together or dancing) to gather more data.
If your body leans back or pulls away, you may not be naturally drawn to them and convincing yourself to date them for other reasons. Ask yourself if you honestly think the physical chemistry is there. They deserve someone who thinks they’re super hot too!
Keep in mind: Trajectory is just as important as a one-time measurement. Use the Face Test at multiple points during a date or over the course of multiple dates. How are your feelings trending? Do you see potential for your attraction to grow?
Share with me what happens! I’d love to hear how this goes for you.
Love,
Joyce ❤️🔥
P.S. I’m hosting an application-only singles event in Boston on June 14. I’d love to see you or your friends there!
Hi Joyce! As a fellow dater in SF, I really enjoyed reading your blog with practical advice. I particularly like "The Face Test". Your framework encourages people to give each other more space to build a shared connection and not break it off without giving it the time needed to develop.
Too often, potential partners run away from each other in fear. Sometimes it's the fear of things not working out, but often it is the fear that things *will* work out, just not in the ideal, most perfect way imagined. Your recommendation gives peace and encouragement to those who need it the most.
Joyce! this is such a good practical suggestion. it’s really clarifying. only thing is there are people i want to get closer to their face but they aren’t right for me! and i have to remind myself of that!